You Gotta Take the Hetero Out of It...Like This

Yesterday evening, 3 classmates and I presented to our class for an hour on GLBT families, more specifically, Gay Men Wanting to Become Dads and Gay Women Wanting to Become Moms. Each of our slides had various rainbows throughout, they were very colorful. We began our topic with the video below, I’ve Got You by Mélange Lavonne:

We touched on the roles within gay/lesbian families, which come with tremendous amounts of turmoil because currently our vocabulary is based off heterocentric language. What do we call two mom’s? Who is the mom who didn’t give birth? How do the dad’s refer to themselves? To each other? Are they step-father’s despite them being an original ‘contributor’ to the child’s conception? There are so many facets to sort through and because most research on parenting is done on heterosexual couples, it leaves homosexual couples floundering through uncharted territory. Though same-sex couples make up a very small segment of the overall U.S. population, that doesn’t mean they should be left out or their experiences should be lumped in with those of heterosexual parents. Some issues, like what to call themselves, are entirely unique to same-sex couples.

Such ineptness in our patriarchal-heavy language reminded me of Hélène Cixous who suggested we scrape away at the limitations and begin again, this time including women. She said women do not have the ability to adequately tell their story through the use of language primarily because it caters to the singular male, e.g. fellowship, man, woman, guys, etc. (Sexist language anyone?)

Seemingly innocuous to those unaware, the words we use in every day life, like ‘history’, are based from the male perspective, created at a time when women were not taught to read because we were thought of as the weaker sex (and men wanted to keep us that way). Perhaps most importantly, Cixous stated women have a distinct inability to claim our own sexuality because words do not exist that are not related to the male and that allow adequate expression. Simone de Beauvoir said very nearly the same thing in her book, The Second Sex.

But I digress.

At the end of our presentation, one of my classmates had trouble understanding the concept of defining roles in homosexual relationships; she was attempting to create a definition based on heteronormative behaviors and ideology. I was proud of my groupmates as well as another classmate sitting directly in front of the one who spoke because they answered, “It’s how they define themselves, not us.” As clinical social workers, it is not up to us to define anyone but instead to help them define themselves, if this makes any sense.

The classmate referenced the above video and asked that because Mélange referred to her significant other as “wife” in the video, she wondered if it meant Mélange was a husband.

Here is where I internally sighed and rolled my eyes.

Then she asked something in relation to lesbian moms and what defines them as “mom” when only one has given birth to the child. Keep in mind that during our presentation 2 of my groupmates went into great detail about this particular topic and how difficult it can be for women to navigate specifically because we don’t have the appropriate language.

This is where I interjected and said, “Two mom’s, two wives, two parents. That is very often how they are spoken of but not always so it’s not safe to say this is the norm.”

We went around and around for another 5min or so, my teacher (who is marrying her partner in May) getting involved as well.

Eventually I stopped the conversation because I had a hunch it was going to keep pestering my classmate despite what we said and quite succinctly stated, “You’ve got to take the hetero out of it. You cannot look at gay/lesbian families through a hetero lens. You’ve got to let all that go.”

Keep reading....

Something to Get off my Chest

Weeks ago I read the series from The Sexist on groping. They talked about why men grope, women's reactions to being groped and so on. They did a thorough job covering a topic where men seem to think they have indeterminable rights to a woman's body, that our bodies are without boundaries, seen or unseen.

I have been dating a guy-type ( J*) for almost a year now. J* likes to pretend the world is a happy place and nothing bad happens. He also has a daughter who is going to be 10 very soon. I've often mentioned he should talk to her about the birds and the bees, but most importantly, enforce the notion that her body belongs to her and no one else.

As J* and I started getting serious, and my conscious self began to comprehend I could one day be partially responsible for his daughter's well-being, all the times I have been touched by strange boys/men began to resurface. Call it PTSD or whatever diagnosis you want, realizing her life experiences with the opposite have a 50/50 chance of being similar to mine brought on a sense of urgency.

Because J* is male and hasn't had the pleasure of experiencing intense vulnerability with a dose of feeling out of control over his own body, he doesn't understand why I push him to talk to his daughter about her body. I could do it, and I've offered, yet ultimately it would mean so much more coming from him as he represents the gender who might very well become the offender.

So I started sharing stories of my experiences with him.

I told him of the time I was about 11 or 12 years old and playing in this large area of dirt and trails (eventually condo's were built and the dirt was taken away). This area was only a few blocks from my house. On that particular day, me, my sister and our friend rode our bikes so we could travel faster and get the rush from going up and down the "hills". At some point we stopped and 3 boys joined us for whatever reason. We chatted, they bragged, then one of them got off his bike and walked around our group, grabbing my ass in the process. He and his friends chuckled, his friends high-fiving him when he returned to his original spot. What happened next I'm not sure, because all I remember is feeling very afraid. I got on my bike and hauled ass home, the boy who grabbed my ass hot on my tail. As my house came into view, I remember feeling relief when I saw my dad was outside. I rode into my driveway and the young pervert rode off to find his friends. To this day I wonder what would have happened if he caught up to me or if my dad hadn't been outside.

Unfortunately, my experiences with groping didn't stop there. Throughout my life beginning at that point I've been poked, prodded, picked on, touched, felt up and then some all because boys' (and eventually men) have believed they have that right to my body. It hasn't happened nearly as much these past handful of years, but it still happens.

Another story I shared with J* was when I was in the 7th grade. We were allowed to hang outside for 30min or so after lunch and since we are kids, many of us partook of this luxury. One of the boys who apparently had taken a liking to me, decided to graze my not-quite-formed breast as he walked passed. I believe it was when he threatened to do it again that I took off running, hiding behind trees and eventually near a group of teachers, hoping that would stop him. It did. I did not move from that spot until it was time to go back inside.

I've tried expressing in words the intense loss of control, and huge vulnerability, having a stranger or friend grope you presents. I think it's much more damaging to one's psyche when someone you know does it because you live in fear that it could happen again.

A few weeks ago, me, J* and the kids were leaving the roller skating rink. J* had my keys in his pocket and I kept asking for them as I wanted them in my hands before we got to the car. He couldn't understand my urgency which is understandable because I realized I was freaking out due to the vulnerability I felt for not having my keys in my hands ready to unlock the doors once I got to the car. Because for a woman, this hesitation could get her raped and even killed.

And then I realized I hate that I have to at-risk myself for a dude's inability to control urges to which I did not contribute.

Yet I still cannot seem to impress upon J* that girls grow up experiencing life in a completely different way because, very simply, we have vagina's. His daughter has a personality that makes her more susceptible to this type of thing happening as she is more introverted and keeps a lot to herself.

So I worry. And worry. And worry some more.

Then today I sat in on a MDT (Multiple Disciplinary Team) meeting where 6 cases were discussed, all of them girls who had been sexually molested or assaulted by their mothers' SO's, 5 of them under the age of 7.

So I worry. And worry. And worry some more.

Keep reading....

What did I miss?

Since mid-December, we've gotten a total of 26" of snow. That's virtually unheard of around here. Thankfully we finally figured out the world doesn't have to come to an end every time it snows so life got to carry on as usual over the weekend. I don't have any pictures to share this time since, eh, it's old news now. We're supposed to get more wintry stuff tomorrow through Wednesday. Yay us.

But in the middle of all this snowmaggedon/snowpocolypse type weather, things like the Superbowl have been happening in warm sunny Miami.

Rep John Murtha died due to complications from his gall bladder surgery.

Lots of feminist-minded people have been taking down the sexist/misogynist/racist/homophobic ads that ran during the Superbowl. So I don't have to.

Steven Drozd of the Flaming Lips will be teaching a college class whilst in OK.

NY's Governor Paterson doesn't want to give up the fight.

Did you know Scott Fujita of the new Super Bowl champs is my kind of liberal, use my money for good kinda guy?

And Twitter is an absolutely fabulous way to obsessively wait for Glee episodes to begin in April. I need some happiness to keep me sane.

Keep reading....

So it's been a while

I've been contemplating what to do with this space I have reserved for myself. Should I make it a knitting blog? Should I scrap it altogether?

Then I had an epiphany.

Why not make it a political mommy knitting blog? You'll get to see pictures of the projects I'm attempting and/or have finished, hear their stories, as well as experience the frustrations as I trudge along in my 2nd year (of 4) in grad school and try not to notice as Peanut enters into his tween years (complete with attitude).

Every so often I might vent about why birth control needs to be put in the water source.

So to get everyone up to date: Peanut informed me the other morning that one nostril was bigger than the other.

And I realized I didn't have any pictures of the only sweater I've knit myself in 4 years.


Expect to hear more from me. Hopefully a lot more. I have missed this space that has allowed me the kindness to vent my frustrations and work through a few things. Especially my ever-increasing grasp on our foster care system, state budgets and so much more.

Keep reading....

When Domestic Violence is a Pre-Existing Condition

Again, this proves why we need health care reform

In 1994, then-Rep. Charles Schumer (D-N.Y.), now a member of Senate leadership, had his staff survey 16 insurance companies. He found that eight would not write health, life or disability policies for women who have been abused. In 1995, the Boston Globe found that Nationwide, Allstate, State Farm, Aetna, Metropolitan Life, The Equitable Companies, First Colony Life, The Prudential and the Principal Financial Group had all either canceled or denied coverage to women who'd been beaten.

Keep reading....

Why I Won't be Voting for Bob McDonnell

In this article from yesterday’s Washington Post, it is purported that though Bob McDonnell, in his 1989 thesis, thought working women and feminists were detrimental to American families, he has changed since then.

Right.

Let the record show he hasn’t changed much.

He hails from Virginia Beach and graduated from CBN University, now known as Regent University. If anything should worry us, it’s someone coming from a staunchly Christian background who gives us no sign of seeing outside that narrow scope.

Keep reading....

What's that Palin lady about, anyway?

While I was impressed by Sarah Palin's speech last night at the Republican Convention, as she did carry herself well, spoke articulately and even managed to relay to her peeps she has not forgotten her meager beginnings, she won't entice me to vote for the McCain/Palin ticket.

Not even a little bit.

And here are a few reasons why:

I honestly don’t care that her 17 year old unmarried daughter is pregnant because it demonstrates this situation can happen to anyone no matter their moral values. It also helps prove abstinence-only programs don’t work, another Republican stronghold thrown back in their faces.

She’s even more pro-life than McCain and I do not want to see women die trying to abort their own fetuses. It’s a horribly painful way to die, hemorrhaging until you bleed to death. It is not something I wish on any woman no matter how she got into the predicament. Abortion is an issue Obama’s campaign has now decided to bring to the forefront.

Jumping on the “American Values” band wagon, she was real quick to point out her son, Track, had signed up to “serve our country” and was about to be deployed to Iraq. I do not subscribe to the idea our women and men are defending our country since it has already been proven and stated many times in myriad ways that we are now an occupying force. If anything the soldiers are defending their own lives and that of their mates from angry residents of said countries because they don’t like being told their way is wrong and being forced into our version of a flawed democracy.

Then, a little too flashy for my taste, she touted her youngest son who has Down’s Syndrome, almost as if she should be heralded as a martyr for not only having a child at age 43. But look, he’s got Downs and she is a Vice Presidential nominee. I’m going to be keeping an eye on this particular aspect to further determine her motive. He is certainly adorable though as is her whole family.

And she’s from Alaska. Where the Republicans (and some Democrats) desperately want to drill for more oil. Enough said.

**********************************

What still fascinates me is that McCain, and thus the Republican Party, nominated a woman for Vice President, something the large good ‘ol boy base usually steers clear of. ‘Cause you know, we women might get cranky while menstruating or going through “the change” and push the Big Red Button (pun very much intended). Never mind the fact several male presidents have already done just that.

None of these are new arguments, I know, but I’m getting really tired of them circulating endlessly. Isn’t it time to come up with something new?

Keep reading....

Hey you, retard!

I’ve already made mention of this word and subject before, but in light of a recent movie being released into the wild soon enough, much is being made of this one tiny supposed innocuous word.

Let us begin with the origins and meaning of the word versus its current usage and new slang-like meaning shall we?

From the Online Etymology Dictionary:

1426, "fact or action of making slower in movement or time," from L. retardationem, from retardare "to make slow, delay, keep back, hinder," from re-, intensive prefix, + tardare "to slow" (see tardy). Retarded "mentally slow" first recorded 1895. Retard (v.) first recorded 1489, from O.Fr. retarder (13c.); offensive noun meaning "stupid person" (with accent on first syllable) is from 1960s slang.

The term, or “condition”, Mental Retardation, is used as a medical diagnosis for many state Medicaid and Medicare programs and encompasses one or several of the following: significantly lower intelligence than the average for individuals of the same age, delays in developing social skills, communication skills, and the ability to care for oneself and live independently. (via)

*************

The slang use of the word “retarded” is used heavily in most conversations especially among teenagers and the ill informed and inappropriately so.

Used then and now, the word is one that labels and in fact limits ones ability to judge properly the life experiences a person with an intellectual disability has had which can negate or even overshadow their slowness. Just because someone is delayed in processing and responding back in conversation in rapid fire succession does not mean they do not get what you are saying; they get it a little slower is all.

A derogatory word now in most friendly conversation, “retard” is often used to describe a *normal* person who is slow to pick up on something or acting in a defunct manner.

Meaning they are stupid and should be dealt with in a condescending manner because they are less than. Thus making them the *other*.

Who wants to be reminded they are stupid all the time, or treated like a child, especially when it’s someone making fun of you by joking someone else?

It’s the same concept behind referring to something as “gay” or “faggoty” isn’t it?

Sure it seems I’m being the Politically Correct Police. I get that a lot and honestly, I do not give a shit. I believe in treating everyone equally regardless of their mental status and/or capacity and of course their race, class, creed, gender and so on. And I wish everyone else did, too.

Keep reading....

No front runners yet!

With Hillary winning 3 primaries thus far and Obama just 2, the latter has his sights set on South Carolina which will tie them yet again.

McCain and Romney seem to be duking it out and Huckabee only won the 1 primary though I would love to see him get the nomination because I believe him to be highly unelectable therefore Democrat would be easily elected.

But people, with the way votes are going to Hillary and Obama, it's very clear the US wants change and greatly anticipates a new direction come November 2nd (technically January when the new prez is inaugurated).

It is my opinion that an Hillary/Obama ticket would be worth voting for.

Keep reading....

Holiday Knitting

Here is my mom's Christmas present.

It's called Thinking of You and is knit in 100% pure silk that was hand spun and dyed. It turned my needle and finger tips red, : ).

I used Tilli Tomas yarn purchased from a store in Oregon called Knit Purl. I had to buy new size 7 needles as my dog decided my old ones made a great snack. (I would buy this yarn several times over, in case you were wondering.)

Earlier this year, in August, my mom's older sister died of a heart attack in her sleep. She was only 58. This scarf, and its color, is meant to represent heart disease in women and provide a reminder for my mom that my Aunt T loved her very much and was defiantly stubborn until the end.

My mom is definitely going to cry on Christmas morning, what do you think?

Keep reading....

A brief history lesson

Just 10min ago my co-worker asked me who Elizabeth Cady Stanton was.

Seriously.

And she's a 24yr old white woman who has graduated high school and had a brief stint in college.

Seriously.

Then I mentioned my other co-worker, who is an African American/Black woman, didn't get the right to vote until 1964 (the full and non-exclusive right mind you) and she had such women as Ida B. Wells to be thankful for.

WTF is our public school system and colleges not teaching these young women?

Keep reading....

What year is it again?

Congress has finally decided protecting the rights of Indian women is a good 21st Century action to show solidarity with the 1st Nation people's since we are in it's 400th year of creation (well, it's really Virginia but you know what I mean). Now Indian women get to be made a little more visible and hopefully their voice will begin to be heard throughout the U.S. so all you people who think the 400th anniversary of Jamestown should be "celebrated" can get a clue.

The measure follows an April report by London-based Amnesty International on high rates of sexual crimes committed against Native women, with a large portion committed by non-Native men. An Indian woman is at least two and a half times more likely than other U.S. women to be raped.

Think about it for a minute: 1 white woman is thought to be raped every 7min or so and Indian women are thought to be raped 2.5 times that. Wow. It makes me wonder if those mostly white guys who are committing this atrocity are under the same impression Thomas Jefferson was, you know, where he told his fellow white men to have plenty of procreative sex with their negro women because they will have children, those children will have children, etc., and eventually everyone will be white in the world. Nice eh?

Aye. It's great fun being a woman in a world full of men who think they are entitled to me and/or my body simply because I'm a woman.

Keep reading....

What do you say when you've been MIA for almost an entire month?

Except that life has been happening a bit too eagerly the past few weeks.

Let's see, Penelope came down with what ended up being a salivary gland infection to which she proceeded to scare the heck out of me since, let's see, a 7month old puppy went from running, jumping and frolicking happily to sleeping 75% of the day and had a swollen neck that looked like she swallowed a tennis ball. She had a fever of 104 degrees and true to what the Dr. said, it took 4 days for it to start showing signs healing but for which I was most impatient and, here's a good technical term, freaked the hell out.

But not before she had scratched the area under her neck causing a weakness so to speak. Thus the blood/puss trying to drain headed for said area and began to leak slowly. Monday evening I came home to find the area filled with fluid and skin that looked like it would die if it sat that way any longer. What did I do? Took my darning needle and poked a hole in the area and out gushed more blood and puss than I ever want to smell again.

I swear only a mother could do something like that.

Tuesday afternoon she awoke to no fever and almost back to her bouncy self, something I never thought I'd be happy to see.

Dooley however is another story. Mid-February I noticed her ears were badly infected and after 4 antibiotics and Prednisone for 2 of those rounds it wasn't getting any better. Then I noticed her stomach area was covered in sores, her eyes drained, her feet were itchy and had nasty sores on them and she was getting more lethargic by the day.

After several tests and no answers from 3 different vets, we finally got an answer and thank heavens the vet is here in the neighborhood because that certainly makes the chronic illness part more bearable.

So it is guessed she has auto immune disease and a severe skin infection. We see a holistic vet Thursday at 5pm and a dermatologist next Thursday at 8:40am. yay. Thankfully the woman who helped with the adoption of Dooley knows a lot of people who know a lot about this type of thing (which together we found is quite common in labs along with hip dysphasia, something else we think she has) and she also found a financial sponsor for Dooley so Lady Eleanor is headed to that very nice lady in a few short days. Without her kindness to send lots of money (I've already spent $1500 in credit and she's sent $750 thus far with another $1,000 promised) to a dog she has never met and a family she's never seen but for the pictures I've sent, Dooley would have had to been put over the Rainbow Bridge before her time.

Through the dog troubles my straight A of a student son has been suspended 3 or 4 times, not including the 2 times he's received in-school suspension. Finally we're gathering (or rather, the school peeps including his teacher) he's doing it on purpose to get kicked out of school. Even after an entire year Peanut remains steadfast in his dislike for this school.

The 6th time he was suspended for 10 days and I'm grateful for my friend L as she came up and stayed with us for those days, watching Peanut and making sure he stuck to the punishment and completed work while at home.

2 Friday's ago we visited a local free Episcopal private school for testing. We're supposed to hear back from them within the next 2 weeks so please keep all your fingers and toes crossed, wishing against all hope he'll get in since it will challenge him more and provide a safer environment for him so he won't feel the need to defend himself quite so aggressively.

Our new mantra is the countdown to the last day of school, with 14 days now remaining. He already hasn't watched TV or played any sort of video game for at least 3 weeks and I told him I had no qualms about pushing it into summer vacation if he couldn't get a grip on himself.

Isn't all that exciting? Between Penelope and Peanut I almost went nuts, quite literally, as they both happened at the same time. Dooley's condition has been chronic and steadily getting worse so that has been on my mind a lot, but not naggingly so.

So you see, the times I did have a moment to relax, the last thing I wanted to do was sit in front of a computer. I've been knitting a lot though as that has helped with the coping process and its better to take it out on yarn than beat someone senseless.

Oh, did I mention my ex-husband was on my ass, too? He said all Peanut's problems are my fault since I put him in the ghetto-ass school he's in and haven't tried getting him in another one in the area.

Yeah, he's that stupid and the argument quickly degenerated into something even more stupid and unworthy of my time. He is being rather nice and adding Peanut to his health insurance plan since it will only cost him an $64 extra a month whereas it would have cost me $200 extra for a total of $307 monthly. And they expect me to buy groceries with what money again? That's what I get for getting used to Medicaid covering Peanut and food stamps giving us lots of money for food, both of which disappear as of May 31st.

Did I mention my gas was turned off because I was behind on the bill? Yeppers. They needed an appointment to turn it back on, too, though the guy didn't laugh much when I asked him how come they didn't need an appointment to turn it off.

It's been a fun month in the ironic sense I guess.

To prove I've been paying attention through all this, I'm slowly swinging over to Hillary's side more and more because, let's face it, having a woman president would be fucking awesome.

And I have a ton of Peanutisms I must really remember to add to this thing so I'll have them in my possession when he's older and at the point in his life where it could very much embarrass him, :).

Keep reading....

The Double Standard Strikes Again

Sure this was decided late last month and there have been numerous lawsuits regarding the mandatory coverage of contraceptive devices by health insurance companies, it's still baffling how the powers that be come up with asinine excuses as to how and why it's not discriminatory to cover Viagra and Rogaine for men, but deny coverage of birth control for women stating

According to the two judges, the employees’ contraceptive use was not a condition "related to" pregnancy because the use of contraceptives "is only indicated prior to pregnancy" and "prevents pregnancy from even occurring."

Yet the Pregnancy Discrimination Act (PDA) of Title IX states

The PDA provides that women may not be treated differently than men simply because of pregnancy or medical conditions "related to" pregnancy.

So how is the ability to get pregnant not directly related to the issue of pregnancy?

Keep reading....

Our Prejudices, Ourselves

Harvey Fierstein wrote a scathing op-ed today with the same title for the NYTs and he calls each and every one of us out on our tolerance/acceptance for some hate speech but not others. Why is it okay for someone to use "f*****" as a put down yet "nappy-headed" is considered racist? The former is used on elementary school playgrounds while the latter is used within the African American/Black community to belittle each other. Aren't both derogatory terms that should not be repeated? How about the word "retarded" and how it denigrates those with a real developmental disability? Listen to a group of high school girls and you'll hear the word used 10 times in as many minutes. Again, refusing to use words such as these and not allowing those around to employ sting while in your presence is one way to help eradicate such language from society.

Here's the very last paragraph:

The real point is that you cannot harbor malice toward others and then cry foul when someone displays intolerance against you. Prejudice tolerated is intolerance encouraged. Rise up in righteousness when you witness the words and deeds of hate, but only if you are willing to rise up against them all, including your own. Otherwise suffer the slings and arrows of disrespect silently.

Something I still don't understand (and I'm not sure I want to), is why someone who is oppressed would want to inflict said oppression on someone else, an example being African Americans/Blacks being intolerant of homosexuals. You would think, through their ordeal of slavery, a Civil War and Jim Crow laws, they would be empathetic of an individuals rights to personal freedom because they had to fight so hard for their own. With the 400th Anniversary of Jamestown coming up, the Native Americans are another example.

But that doesn’t always seem to be the case.

And you know what they say: if you and your friends use the word(s) to describes yourselves, then you are unintentionally giving others the right to use them against you, too.

Keep reading....

Rapped in Contradiction

I would love to know how someone can come up with a song like this:

[Verse 1 - Ludacris] Now little lisa is only 9 years old
Shes tryin to figure out why the world is so cold
Why shes all all alone and they never met her family
Mamas always gone and she never met her daddy
Part of her is missin and nobody will listenin
Mama is on drugs gettin high up in the kitchen
Bringin home men at different hours of the night
Startin with laughs--usually endin in a fight
Sneak into her room while her mamas knocked out
Tryin to have his way and little lisa says 'ouch'
She tries to resist but then all he does is beat her
Tries to tell her mom but her mama don't believe her
Lisa is stuck up in the world on her own
Forced to think that hell is a place called home
Nothin else to do but some get some clothes and pack
She says shes bout to run away and never come back.

The song includes vignettes of 3 girls aged 9, 10 and 11 and the emotions that go along with sexual abuse, a sexual relationship started too early and so forth. It's an example of what hip hop could be yet, on the very same album, there are songs such as Money Maker:

[Verse 1: Yung Joc] she'll shake her money maker 'cause its da boy Yung Joc just like like dat clock on da wall her body go tick tock its on in da bedroom u already know dat she be shakin' lafft taffy white boy dat ain't no fat its goin' down in da club its gettin' kinna heated just like knock it homey she told me to beat it Yung Joc is on da mike and you already know da girl chasin' me cause she know i got dough she ain't chasin' you cause yo pockets on low i step up in da club im like what des girls hittin' fo' i like my girls thick i don't like em' skinny its goin' down homey boy its New Joc City

and Girls Gone Wild:

[Verse 1:] Never scared to be different, the year ?possible? put into existance. Fa in stance, this is me. What did you expect from the 5th LP? Gone for a minute now I'm back again. Back to back, back to break backs again, put'em in the back seat of the 'lac again, and rip off the Magnam packagin'. What's happenin I'm looking for some girls gone wild.(gone wild)I'm just tryin to make these girls all smile(all smile). And I'm gonna make'em dance, so I could see them shake they ass, then I put'em in a trance, till I get'em out they pants. Then I'll take'em to a level they might've never been before, We gon hit the door. And then hit the floor, you'll get hit below. I got somebody I want you to get ta know. ME. Feel this like Jack the Ripper, hip hop needs help so I'm back to flip her. Flip her on her back cause I'm back to stick her and throw up on the track like it's full of liquor. [Hook:] You fellin kinda warm, like you was havin (sex) You wetter than a storm like you was takin (X) Your mood intensifies, it's time for a surprise, so baby close your eyes, get ready for what's(next)

Does he not understand how contradictory his message is? I think Luda is talented and I love his voice, but hip hop on the whole has gotten too bootylicious and demeaning toward African American/Black women especially. There is increasingly more evidence proving sexualized commercials and pop culture is becoming harmful to girls and only helps create and sustain the problem instead of fixing it, much less "empowering" them as advocates are purported to claim. Compounding the ideal is how African American/Black women are hypersexualized in rap and hip hop videos, not to mention the songs themselves, thus creating a certain expectation in African American/Black men that is most unrealistic. Having this mythologized woman in their heads creates problems in building healthy relationships and could possibly be why the leading cause of death for African American/Black women is homicide.

In fact, it was interesting that I had been mulling this topic over, thinking it would make for an excellent post when I noticed the March issue of Ebony; they had a feature titled "Sex, Violence and Disrespect: What Hip Hop has done to our Women."

Granted I am not an African American/Black woman, but I like to think I can empathize because the bootylicious factor in hip hop spills over to all women. Yet it is important to remember whose image is at stake here and I do understand its not that of a White woman; it is young African American/Black women who are portrayed as "ghetto ho's" and "bitches" in the videos.

Having said the above, why is it we jump all over the Imus' of the world, but don't hold rappers and/or hip hop artists such as Nelly (who has a song called "Tipdrill" with the hook, "it must be your ass 'cause it ain't your face"), Snoop Dog (can we say Girls Gone Wild?) and Jay-Z accountable for spewing the same sexist racist bullshit everyday over the airwaves? They condone the same denigration of women the rest of the world participates in by repeating and participating in the same stereotypes.

I believe only when we stop using the words in our everyday language that help to keep oppression alive will we truly achieve a non-racist/sexist/homophobic/ethnocentric world. What do you think?

Keep reading....

Pieces of Conversastion Part II

This one took place at work not that many minutes...or rather the comments came by in wisps of a larger one I wanted no part of.

I work in a home health agency where discrimination based on race, gender, class, sexual orientation and/or religion is a big no-no. Well, let me tell you what happens when they're all getting their shit together at the office:

Carpet muncher was just thrown around, another co-worker (who I have quickly learned to talk to about work stuff only) commented on the fact the patient had been hit by a car when trying to get to the local gay bar, stating the person should have run her over as she has no tolerance for that sort of thing, has said if her son was in any way effeminate or gay, she would disown him and so on.

The co-worker who commiserates with me said something to the above lady, saying she was nasty and I have said she isn't supposed to show open disdain for a population of people when she is to treat everyone equally while on company time, but she (hates gay people lady) apologized for nothing. She also throws the word retarded around like its going out of style so either we're going to have to have a one-on-one chat or my boss and I will, which could end up being worse for HGPL in the long run.

But really, would any of them appreciate being discriminated against for their skin color or how about if heterosexuality was outlawed and homosexuality was the norm? Flip the script and see how fast people backtrack, such as with a woman's right to privacy eh?

This open disdain for a population of people who are oppressed enough, then having a member from an equally oppressed culture inflict the same process of discrimination on someone else does not sit well with me.

Keep reading....

It's nice to see they're taking it seriously

4 Iraq soldiers were charged with raping a 50-year old Sunni woman after she wouldn't tell them what she didn't know.

This report comes just days after a 20-year old woman brought allegations on 3 other Iraq soldiers for the same thing. That case, however, was quickly dismissed by the Prime Minister of Iraq, Nouri al-Maliki, as "fabricating the allegation to undermine support for the security forces during the ongoing Baghdad crackdown."

Nice huh?

Of course no one appreciated that decision, especially the fact it was made in less than a day's time, with no investigation into the matter. The US, being the good Samaritans we are, has launched our own investigation into the matter. I think we need to make sure our own soldiers stop raping Sunni and Shiite women before we can tell anyone else not to.

For those of you who don't know, rape is a big deal in the conservative Muslim culture, often bringing shame onto women and their family because they (the women) either had sex outside of or before marriage, despite it not being the woman's fault. Often, a male family member will kill the woman in order to defend his family's honor and rid the village of her sin. Never mind she didn't rape herself nor tempt the man who did. (For heaven's sake, they wear a burqa's and/or hijab’s, which cover them completely. What temptation is left to blame a woman for?)
It's hellish being a woman in a country that doesn't respect you and thinks you're "just a woman" so anything can happen to you without regard for your personal safety or well-being.

Keep reading....

Female Circumcision deemed Un-Islamic

I don't know about you, but I think this is fantastic news and tremendous progress.

CAIRO, Egypt: A conference of Muslim scholars from around the world declared female circumcision to be contrary to Islam and an attack on women, and called Thursday for those who practice it to be punished.

For those of you who are knew to the idea of "female circumcision," it involves cutting off a young woman's clitoris. Not making it less penis like, but fully detaching it from the surrounding genital area on a young woman.

But it doesn't always stop there. There are some villages who believe in sewing up a young woman's vagina entirely, leaving a small hole for urine to pass through. This often results in infections, not to mention intense pain. The only time a young woman is allowed to be "unsewn" is on her wedding night and then she typically has to endure the pain from her new husband who is the only one allowed to rip the skin back in order for his penis to enter her very sore vagina. Hardly do the woman undergo another "operation" to bring the skin back in a less painful manner.

There are long lasting effects from this "operation", one of them being life long pain and infections are common and come frequently.

The Muslim scholars said female circumcision was an aggression against women and should be stopped.

The scholars stressed that Islam forbid people from inflicting harm on others, explaining that those who circumcise their daughters were doing exactly that.

Because of the above, I am estactic with this decision and the urgance of countries to enforce their laws which forbid female genital mutilation. As they said, Islam gives no justification for it but does say individuals should not bring harm on another person and, of course, having a group of men performing these operations on women and demanding it be done is indeed inflicting harm on an entire group of people: women.
Keep reading....

"Unusual and Disturbing Feature"

Only to those who have turned mostly a blind eye to the whole Violence Against Women Act, Domestic Violence, Sexual Assault/Rape Statistics, etc.

But this premeditated attack, like another one five days earlier in which a drifter corraled teenage girls, killing one, at the high school in Bailey, Colo., have an unusual and disturbing feature: girls as targets.

Am I the only one getting frustrated with this lack of understanding with the much bigger problem that is gender violence, especially when the media recounts it over and over and over again yet continuously fails to connect the dots?
Keep reading....