Monday, June 06, 2005

discrimination starts early

But we already knew that, didn't we?

This evening, while sitting in the bleachers watching Peanut in his teeball game, this young girl comes back to her mother after visiting the concession stand where she promptly announced, "Now I remember why I hate gay people." Her mother asks her why. "Because they are so rude," she replies back.

Agh, how I wanted to pipe up and tell her that a person doesn't need to be gay in order to be rude; that I have ran into many a rude straight person. Especially white men.

But would it have done any good? I think not though she may have thought twice before opening her mouth again to say something so ignorant around complete strangers.

In other news, my moms friend with a now 6-month old and 2 other boys came over Sunday afternoon with only the infant. My sister made the disparaging comment that she was only bringing the wee one and I said, "Well, she's breastfeeding so she's kinda tied to the child."

All you breastfeeders out there will love what she said next: "Well it's not like she can't use a pump and leave him at home."

What did it matter to her? Nothing. Little baby Ian wasn't harming anyone, nor was his mom for bringing him. There were about 10 teenagers in my backyard who were used to seeing Ian. And thanks to all of you wonderful women who have taught me more about breastfeeding (that I wish I had you around when I was aggravatingly trying to do it myself), I informed her that the pump is used for those times when a kid cannot come at all. This was not one of those times.

She rolled her eyes and said, "Whatever."

Such a nice, tolerant sister I have yes? And they say I'm the big meany.

I've been reading a lot lately on those dads out there who think they pay too much child support, want equal parenting time and generally want permission to harass the shit out of their ex-wives/girlfriends for the rest of their lives. It's been great fun and I can't read too much of it because I get angry.

Mostly I get angry because their way of thinking is so off-center that they can't see what they are actually doing is ditching any last chance they had of being with their kids or gaining full custody of them. When a woman needs a restraining order against a man, hardly will he end up with any sort of custody outside of supervised visits (I say hardly because I have heard of this very ruling happening before, esp. from those dads who have more money than the moms).

Trish Wilson brought to our attention specific events, such as a dad killing his 9-month old son because his ex-girlfriend was making him pay child support without rekindling the relationship. Child support doesn't need to be paid if the couple is together, but he will never find this out since he shot both the baby and himself afterwards.

These men should somehow be resuscitated in order to live out the rest of their miserable lives in prison, remembering everday what put them there to begin with.

Pinko Feminist Hellcat has been talking about it for a while, but I can't figure out how to search her site for the rest of her posts on this delightful topic. Hopefully she'll visit this place and link it for us all.

It's all pretty amazing stuff because you can see how truly warped some people really are.

Amanda over at recently wrote a pretty good post about this issue and how her relationship with her father helps her to think of this issue more critically. She was on "His Side with Glenn Stacks" yesterday afternoon: go have a listen, it's pretty good. She even links to her provious post on the same topic.

And we certainly cannot forget the indelible Feministe who has written about this topic numerous times and has a way to search her site for easier reference.

For those of you needing a visual to put with some of these "activists," please refer to the Fathers 4 Justice websites with the latest news about their protests.

I can't help but think that if my parents had ever gotten divorced, I wouldn't see my dad much. We hardly talk about the sorts of things Amanda can talk to her dad about. We definitely don't get mushy. I have only noticed, as an adult and now a parent myself, that the relationship that my dad and I have is less than ideal. Even when my dad was home, we'd ask my mom for everything, including the questions about boys. I distinctly remember sitting down one evening and asking my mom about wet dreams and what they were, having purposely waited until my father went to bed.

Now, as a divorced mother, I would not want my ex to ever get full custody of Peanut as he will turn this precious soon-to-be feminist into a little asshole with no respect for others. And this 50/50 custody bullshit? I think its ludicris since kids need a standard routine. I have a good friend who shares her daughter in this type of arrangement and it might be doing her more harm than good as she's had a few behavioral issues not to mention a hard time coping one week to the next.

I do think it's interesting that some of these dads think they either pay too much child support (when they pay at all) or shouldn't have to pay it. This was a big issue with my ex who thought that because he paid me $300/month, he should get to claim Peanut every other tax year. I laughed and told him when he started paying 51% or more for his care, then he can start claiming him. We haven't had to have that discussion since and I just found out that he ends up paying every year while I get money back. Divine retribution is what I call it.

Anywhere from 3-30% of mothers receive child support from their estranged significant others, my sister being one of them. (I can't find anything from a worthy source online, so this one will have to wait 'til I can look it up in other, more reliable sources. My friend S. might be able to help me with this, too.) When you have less than half of a gendered population paying for their kids, why is it insisted that child support isn't needed? Should dads not have to pay for their kids, too?

I talked to another mom at Peanuts teeball game tonight and her husband won't pay for anything anymore. He left her with the mortgage, a van payment, the kids (2 cute boys) and had all invoices switched to his new residence so he can tell if she's paying or not as a way to show she can't afford those things in turn making a push for why she needs to get rid of them.

This is a guy trying to take the home and stability away from his kids. WTF is up with that? Does he not deserve a little bit of a reality check because she instigated the divorce?

Please, go tell it to someone who actually gives a damn.