Feeling guilty

I've been neglecting my blog. I said that I would write a piece for feministe on managing my time and such. I feel unqualified to write about that now since I feel as if I'm not managing my time well at all.

I belong to this organization on campus called Vox: Voices for Planned Parenthood and we have our first ever Sextravaganza happening tomorrow night so I've been doing a lot of planning for that, especially these past few days since it's happening tomorrow night.

So I've been neglecting my blog.

I am also going to be seeing a court-appointed mediator tomorrow morning at 9am (an appointment which could last up to 4 hours the letter stated) with my ex-husband who tonight, informed me that he was "entitled" to extra time with his son after all the work he has done, has paid his child support on time ($200/month due on the 1st), stepped up and taken responsibility like a real man, yadda yadda yadda. I told him that I didn't trust him so I was still weary of letting Peanut stay with him for longer than a week.

He said that trust wasn't the issue.

Oh contrar, trust is the issue.

Then we got back on that entitlement bit and he stated that I was one of those people who like to complain....then I cut him off bc he was bringing the argument into the personal realm. What is entirely ironic during this whole conversation is his complete bigotry and contradicting attitude: do as I say, not as I do. He despises my "judgements" of him, but yet feels that he is entitled to do the same to me. It just makes me want to scream real loud in his ear and see if that gets his attention.

So this is why we're going to see a mediator though at first he thought it was all about him. Not surprising really; he is just a tad vapid.

On another topic, Peanut was his usual 5-year old articulate self tonight:

Me: Can I put your hair up in a ponytail for school tomorrow?
Peanut: Sure.
Me: You know, you're gonna have to get used to me pulling at your hair if it's gonna be long....
Peanut: Nope, I don't want long hair anymore.
Me: Okay....
Peanut: My dad was gonna get me a haircut because it was cheap, $6, but I really wanted to go to the party so we didn't.
Me: Well, your dad isn't allowed to be in charge of that anyway bc somehow your hair comes back looking really bad.
Peanut: I want my hair like my dads.
Me: His hair is longer than yours.
Peanut: But he gets his hair cut. (with a look of righteous idignation like, How come you didn't know that mom?)

My ex does get his hair cut, but only to the point between his shoulder blades, but it has to grow to his butt before that. Ah well. I like Peanut with his hair long so I'm going to hold him off that decision for as long as I can. Now I've been working on getting his ears pierced.

At least he didn't balk when I told him I had ordered a pink and purple shirt through LLBean today (thanks to Orange for that hint).

Oh, I also have 2 research papers due somewhere at the end of this month and 2 more due 2 weeks later. Wanna know how much "research" I've done for them? lol.

P.S. Flea has a post on "mommy drive-bys" spurned from a comment/post at Chez Miscarriage that's all really good. Check it out. I'm going to try again Wednesday to finish reading the whole thing and maybe post my own experiences here bc I happen to live with 2(!) other women who are related to me and love "helping" me along, too.