Monday, August 29, 2005

Non-friend S. responds

And I thought about posting her lengthy response here on my blog, but lucidity struck and I figured that might not be fair to her, though it would let you know both sides of the story for sure.

I had originally posted about Non-friend S. here ("you know the old cliche'" which will be archived as soon as I post this) and let out how angry I was at her. Given her response, it quickly became apparent that she still reads my blog. It also quickly became apparent that she was reading it because she didn't (and still doesn't) think she did anything wrong to provoke these feelings in me; that I'm simply overreacting.

How nice of a woman friend to deduce rational objection as over-reacting, eh?

So she rehashed the old shit I mentioned on my blog not realizing I mentioned it all here in order to give readers' a history. I wasn't attempting to dredge it up and out any longer, just merely proving the past offenses.

What has gotten me hot this time is blatant misreading of what I originally wrote.

For example, I wrote the below paragraph somewhere in the middle of the original post:

What kind of friend tells you that blogging, writing letters (not the ones you click and send though sometimes they are easier), volunteering at a husky rescue and the YWCA, going to school full-time, raising an almost 6 year old full-time and commuting appx 3 hours every single fucking day isn't enough "activism?" Oh, did I mention the work I do running her around on errands while I'm here in Richmond or during the semesters for the organization we belong to called VOX (the VCU chapter)?

And then I wrote this sentence at the very end of that same post:

And most importantly, I'm just tired of not being appreciated for what I've already done and/or contributed to this new movement. I'm only one person and I can do but so much.

How does she respond to both those statements you ask?

As for appreciating you driving to and from Richmond and raising a 6 year old everyday, why should I or anyone else thank you for this? How exactly is this activism? If it was the world would be a much better place everytime someone became a parent. You choose to do this. You also live rent-free with your parents. You are very lucky to have supportive parents. I don't have parents but I'm not asking for anyone's appreciation or pity over this or over the fact that I'm currently unemployed yet still paying rent and bills off of the little financial aid I can get (which is less than half the amount you get).

I don't remember asking for appreciation for being a parent, but merely for my time that is dedicated to being a parent 45 min north of Richmond. Not exactly a prime location for doing "activism" when I feel the need to satisfy that urge. But more importantly, what I wanted appreciation for was the stuff I've already done, not for the fact that I, in her opinion, still haven't done enough.

What I also find amazing is that right in that paragraph she mentions her unemployment status (began in May) but yet all summer blew 100's of dollars on chairs, plants, dirt, etc. Shoulda planned better in my opinion. But I stayed out of it because it was none of my business.

I've even tried breaking down my financials for her to no avail, so I'll try it again.

$436 and some change every 2 weeks. $200 now goes to gas. That's $400 a month! And she wants me to drive to Richmond whenever she says Activism? WTFever.

Let's not forget $150 in car insurance, $80 for daycare, school clothes, credit card bill, school trips/supplies, school lunches....lest I go on? With all this spelled out for her, perhaps she will understand why driving to Richmond these days is such a big deal. I've been shelling out $42 every 4 days so that I can live rent free and have those supportive parents. I still need to buy groceries. I still need to feed Peanut and myself. That doesn't come free.

I think what really pisses me off is having to explain myself to a supposed friend. I've thought long and hard about my reaction to Non-Friend S., wondering if good friends T., C., and L. would treat me like this and if they did, would I react in the same way.

The funny thing is, I wouldn't have to worry about my reaction because no, they wouldn't tell me that what I'm doing isn't enough because they have the forsight and working knowledge of empathy to realize that each individial does what they can when they can do it.

And most importantly, I wouldn't have to explain nor justify myself to them. That's what good friends do for each other.

Update: Now my true personality and "nastiness" are coming out and she sees me for who I really am. Because, like, I haven't been consistent or anything over the past year. Wouldn't you figure out who someone truly is much quicker than 1 year? Or perhaps when you see the other side of a personality, the nasty side turned on you, would you think to question what had happened to change said person into nastiness? Not Non-Friend S.!

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